Society associates loneliness with unhappiness hence I was conditioned when I was younger to beilive so. I have spent most of my teenage life alone and now that my teenage life is near its end, I have changed my view towards loneliness. I perceive loneliness as freedom now, but I had to first fully understand why I’m lonely to reach to that conclusion
I’ve been lonely because I’m really fussy with who I bring to my inner circle.
Loneliness In Being Single
I haven’t had many girlfriends and all of them were terrible. Most of the girls I come across in my everyday life that I consider attractive seem to lack one thing, high self-esteem. If I’m going to have an intimate relationship with a woman, I want her to be confident with who she is. I want her to have metaphorical “balls” and I want her to get what she wants when she wants. If she loves herself and she thinks she is good enough for anything, she’s good enough for me.
I want a woman that shares the same high self-worth and sense of entitlement as me. However, women like that are very hard to find unless they are in a position of power which limits the probability of going out with them.
Most of the girls my age I come across lack confidence in some way. I’m not saying there is something morally wrong with that but I wouldn’t want to have an intimate relationship with them because I would end up being a supportive figure instead of a partner and I’m not very supportive, I’m blunt and honest.
I want a relationship were both parties don’t need to depend on each other and relationships like that are very hard to find.
By realising what I want in an intimate relationship, it became apparent that I don’t need one. I don’t want someone to depend on in an intimate relationship hence I don’t need to be in a relationship.
Plus I’m not going to get a girlfriend just so I can be fucking “normal”.
Loneliness In Friendships
I’ve had many people stab me in the back and I tend to be quite explosive when things like that happen so I’m very careful with my selection criteria when it comes to friends. I read people like a book so I see more flaws than the average person because my knowledge is quite vast on human behaviour from personal experience and research.
Seeing more flaws avoids me from making disloyal or overly-dependent friends. I’m also quite insulted when people pretend to be friends but in reality they don’t really give a shit if you’re their friend or not.
In today’s society, trying to make friends when you’re 19 means you have to turn yourself into a whore and be what they want you to be. I don’t want to do that. People try so hard to make friends to the point where they lose their identity and become vulnerable to any cancerous ideologies out there.
Malcolm X said
“A man who stands for nothing, will fall for anything”
If a man is so desperate to make friends, he loses his identity in order to fit in. He becomes nothing but a mirror of ideas and behaviour. I would never let myself be susceptible to somebody else’s frame of mind for the purposes of “friendship”.
As I matured, I came to realise that my persistent sense of righteousness within me meant self-love and since then I have recognised that I am my greatest ally. I will not deny having another good ally but I certainly do not need one. I love spending time by myself, I can listen to whatever music I like and appreciate it for all the right reasons and watch whatever film I like without the need to please anyone else but me.
I embrace my loneliness because I enjoy it. I don’t feel sad when I am alone because I enjoy spending time with my best friend, myself and only self.
Needing a friend to feel happy makes you a very dependent individual in my opinion. If people loved themselves more instead of drowning in self-pity, they would spare themselves a lot of hustle.